Gross Clan: Homebirth is for ME!

Finally, mostly for my own sake and memory, Ahri's birth story.

PROLOGUE: My labors tend to be extended. Like days and weeks long. I am talking contractions that start in the morning and get progressively stronger and closer together all day long and basically go away when I go to sleep. For days. Weeks. [NOT braxton-hicks -- I am very familiar with them, and they are very different than what I am talking about.) These contractions take a lot of focus to get through by the end of the day. Every day. For days. They never really get "regular" until it's pushing time.

With Ellie they only started 2.5 days before she was born. Ronan was 2 weeks. The story of Ahri's labor follows.

DENIAL: a powerful emotion.

June 29: The day labor began. By evening my contractions were so intense I was sure baby was coming that night. In fact, we sort of panicked because we hadn't even glanced at the birthing pool yet, let alone figured out how to use it, where to put it, etc. So that evening we got it out and read the directions. We also decided we should make a labor playlist.

To be honest, those contractions were kind of like a smack in the face: "yes, we really ARE going to be having a baby! And soon!" So much for months of mental preparation this time around...

*(This is the day I decided [when I first found out I was pregnant] that the baby would be born. It just seemed right: Ronan's half-birthday, and my best friend's birthday.)

No baby.

Many more days just like the one above followed. I thought (going into this pregnancy) that knowing to expect days of labor would make enduring it easier. It didn't really. Neither did the daily questions of, "No baby yet?" (Besides my obvious burgeoning belly, did you really think we wouldn't tell you?)

July 7: Woke up to more of the same. The baby wasn't being very active (compared to the usual dance party going on), and I began to worry about how the baby may be handling all these days of contractions. I decided I needed to make sure everything was okay with baby. My midwife was working in her Orem office that day, so I loaded up the kiddos to head down there.

About half way there a semi cut me off and would have completely side-swiped my car, had I not slammed on my brakes. Wouldn't you know it, as a result we got rear-ended on the freeway. Oy, so scary! Luckily for all involved, we never stopped moving so the impact wasn't great. We were all okay, but I missed my appointment with my midwife. This was turning out to be a pretty stressful day.

Donovan called the midwife office and let them know what was going on, while I was dealing with the accident and highway patrol. I dropped my kids off with my mom, and my sweet sister dropped everything and drove me to the midwife.

They hooked up the fetal monitor and watched for .5 an hour. Thankfully I was contracting the entire time so we could see how the baby was handling the contractions. Everything looked "perfect," said Suzanne. Whew! Thank goodness. She seemed a little surprised when she looked at all the contraction peaks -- apparently she didn't take me seriously about my contractions...?

I really wanted to ask her to strip my membranes and get this party started, but for some reason I was paranoid to ask. So, my faithful and bold sister stepped in for me and asked. Suzanne was hesitant to do it, because she was about to tend to another labor and she wanted to be available for my labor. I had a previously scheduled appointment with her in Salt Lake for the next day, and she suggested checking to see how dilated my cervix was right then, and then stripping my membranes at my appointment the next day. Sounded good to me, I was a little anxious to see whether or not all these days of contractions were doing anything.

Nope. Nothing. At. All. No dilation, no effacement; nothing. Suzanne told me she couldn't strip my membranes if she wanted to. I was SO discouraged.

At this point I made a conscious decision to completely ignore my contractions, body, everything (except baby's movement) related to this pregnancy. It was driving me crazy and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. So that's what I did. I paid no attention to each contraction, how intense or long it was, none of it. No more wondering when the baby was going to come -- I just didn't think about it anymore.

July 8: Decided on the bright side of things, Donovan and I could go to the Modest Mouse concert that evening, seeing as the baby we were sure we would have by now still hadn't made it's arrival. We tried, but gave up when we saw the .5 mile line to get in an already jam-packed venue. Oh well, we still had a nice evening just the two of us.

That night I kept getting awoken by contractions accompanied by so much pressure in my cervix. Every time I woke up I would think, "Man, that sure is uncomfortable," and make myself go back to sleep. That went on the entire night.

July 9: I got up before everyone else. I was having a hard time with the contractions I was having. I decided to get online and see if I could find any information on the cervical pressure I was feeling (it felt different than anything else I'd felt before). Of course the contractions were very sporadic: some were one minute apart, then they'd be eight minutes apart; they would last for three minutes, and then 30 seconds. I didn't really find anything helpful online, and now everyone was up and I needed to cook breakfast and get on with daily duties.

I was having a hard time ignoring my contractions, and kept finding myself stopping and going within during each one (which was making Ronan really worry). At this point I had convinced myself that I was just tired from so many days of contractions, and that was why they were getting so much harder to handle. Donovan kept asking if he should stay home from work, and I insisted that there was no point, it was just like every other day that nothing happened, and if I needed him I would call.

8:25: Donovan left for work.

8:30: I called my mom to vent my frustration and cry. I was getting worried that when labor truly hit, I would be too worn out to do it. My dear, sweet mother of 8 was NOT convinced that my baby's arrival wasn't imminent. She was nearly in a panic talking to me, trying to convince me that 1) I did not want to have this baby by myself; 2) to call Suzanne already! She hesitantly hung up the phone only after making me promise to call Suzanne.

8:55: I called Donovan letting him know that I think I needed to call Suzanne. He told me he would do it and that he was on his way home.

9:00: Suzanne called to let me know she was at another birth and would be on her way as soon as she could. She was sending another midwife (Jenetta) to sit with me until she could get there, but this midwife wasn't going to have any equipment.

I jumped in the shower, hoping to have some relief. Ahhh, relief. (By the time I was in the shower, my contractions were demanding that I repeat strength and endurance mantras to myself, just to get through the contractions.)

9:20-9:40: Donovan's mom came to pick the kids up just as I was getting out of the shower, soon after Donovan arrived home. (I had already explained to the kids that I thought our baby might be trying to come today.) Donovan immediately got busy with the birthing pool. About the same time Jenetta (the other midwife) arrived. She asked me what was going on, how I had been feeling (all the while I am having very sporadic contractions). I told her I didn't know what to think, wasn't sure how to read my body, wasn't sure I was even in labor -- to this her eyes got huge and she told me that I was, indeed, in labor, and that she was positive my baby would be here very soon. Still didn't believe her.

I am wandering around the house, trying to find some comfortable measure to help me with my contractions. Jenetta is starting to panic a little that she is there with no equipment and in her belief the time is very close at hand. She decides that even though Donovan is setting up the birthing pool, she better get my bed prepared for birth, just in case.

10:15-ish: I have a contraction and really, REALLY feel like I need to go to the bathroom. Jenetta won't let me, instead guides me to my bed. She asks if we have any latex gloves around so she can check my cervix to finally convince me that I am in labor, all the while begging me to please hold off pushing if at all possible, for as long as possible, until Suzanne could get there with equipment.

Still, in my belief, nothing "real" is happening with my labor.

I have a couple of "pushing" contractions, in which I try not to push.

10:25-ish: Suzanne finally arrives. Whew! Let the pushing begin.

Still don't quite believe I'm in labor.

Start pushing. Push for what seems like forever, not feeling like it's doing anything. Donovan holding my hand, encouraging me, telling me that he can "see our baby! This is amazing! You're doing amazing! Our baby has lots of hair, I can see it!"

Don't believe him.

So much pressure! So uncomfortable! Can I get in the water now, please? Suzanne kind of chuckles and tells me that "it's too late! Baby is almost here!" Still don't believe it.

PUSH. Water still not broken. Is this baby going to be born in the amniotic sac? PUUUUUSH.

They listen for baby's heart beat. Suzanne informs me that this baby has to come out NOW. She ruptures the bulging amniotic sac.

PUSH -- everything inside me and the universe all rolled up into pushing. Forget about waiting for contractions to push -- I didn't stop pushing.

PUSH...the head is out!

PUSH...I feel a shoulder emerge. PUSH, another shoulder. Push, PUSH, PUUUUSSH.

10:34: What the? There is a baby laying on my chest! Donovan is looking at me in amazement, telling me how amazing I am, that I did it, our baby is here! I feel confused, looking down -- is this our baby? Whoa.

I was in denial my entire pregnancy, denial about being in labor, and now -- look at this beautiful gift sitting right here on my belly. OUTSIDE of my belly. Wow. I did it, the baby was out, and was REAL! SHE was here! Holy moly! So many emotions: shock, disbelief, elation, relief, thankfulness, LOVE.

We all have a good laugh about the fact that not even 10 minutes earlier I didn't believe I was in labor.

By noon: Midwives had cleaned up and were gone. We were in our home. With our new baby. Ellie and Ronan came home a couple of hours after leaving with Grandma and their baby was here!

By 2 pm: We were eating pizza together, I had showered and was wearing REAL clothes.

*****************************

So in pondering my labor, I realized that because I was having a homebirth I was able to completely relax about the whole labor experience. I wasn't worried about having to get anywhere in time. I was able to stay in my home, doing the things I do everyday while laboring, never having to worry about timing contractions and getting somewhere in time to have the baby. This is truly a gift. It is so much easier to stay relaxed, focused -- everything required to labor -- in the comfort and familiarity of my own home, surrounded only by people of my choosing, knowing I wasn't going anywhere.

I am so happy that we were FINALLY able to have the homebirth we wanted! And so glad that even though the older kids didn't stay for the birth, they witnessed my labor, and came home to a new baby within a couple of hours of leaving. I am so happy that they got to witness the normalcy of birth -- that it isn't a medical crisis or event.

There is no way I would trade this beautiful experience for anything; it was awesome. I am so grateful for it. Most of all, I am so thankful that our beautiful baby is healthy... and that she's OURS!!